Friday, January 26, 2007

I'M ANCIENT!!!

My niece called last night from boarding school in England. She’s not allowed to have a cell phone in school neither is she allowed to use it after hours but I guess that doesn’t count when you’ve spent all your pocket money and neither my sister or “Grandma” (my mom) “understand”. Therefore I will “understand” since it wasn’t too long ago I was in the same shoes.
So I agree to get some money to her after all I am and always have been the “cool aunty”.
We move on and she goes “Sooo… have you decided you’re going to get married now? You know you’re already behind schedule”!!!!
Bells went off in my head. I was like WTF??!! Do u mean by I’m behind schedule? (YES I cuss at my nieces! They LUV IT! Lol)
She goes on to explain how by the time she is my age she’ll have her first child and be flying around the world in her husband’s private jet!
Oh to be young and foolish again lol
We get off the phone, and I stopped and thought to myself “When did I stop been the youngest in my family?” “When did I stop been the baby that money had to be wired to?” More importantly, When did I stop crying to any and everybody about how I’m miserable therefore needed * cough *ticket money * cough * for Xmas so as to be around FRIENDS & family in Lagos to feel better. Now its “Oh aren’t you taking a vacation this year? - “Yes mommy I am thinking about it”- “Ok let me know where you plan to go once you’ve finalized your plans, you know you’ve always been independent” (UHN??? Since when???)

My other niece (her younger sister) goes to the secondary school I went. On Sunday evening, I noticed she hadn’t woven her hair, so I asked if she was going to school tomorrow. She goes “Gosh, Aunty have you forgotten? Seniors don’t weave their hair!” I’m like “WHEN did u become a senior?” These were kids that I carried on the first day they were each born!
Now wish lists have gone from Barbie’s to IPods, the new Nokia phone and money, money, money.

These are texts I’ve gotten from my niece below.
Darling auntie, please can you send me credit, thanks BABE! Luv u (When I saw that I was like, ARE u allowed to call me that? BABE!!! I was put on PHONE BAN back in the NITEL days and now at 13 you have a cell phone?)
“Auntie I’m going to the movies with my friends, can I borrow some earrings? plllleeeeaaassseeee” Luv u
Hi Aunt, stopped by the house, you weren’t home. Just wanted to tell you I took your Vogue & InStyle magz, I’ll bring them bk. Luv u
Auntie M are you watching E? Beyonce is on and she looks fabulous!
Auntie I need to go to The Palms on Saturday and mummy said NO! Can you pls tell her you’re taking me and come & pick me plssss.. all my friends are going too.

Lately, it seems everywhere around me there’s a constant reminder of my yester-years (urgh I hate that word)
When I tell people my age now I don’t hear “Oh you’re still a baby” anymore.
I’ve noticed laughter lines on my face, I’m considering adding anti-ageing cream to my beauty regimen because they say the earlier you start the better. There are these lines on my forehead that didn’t used to be there before. Suddenly BOTOX and Restalin are beginning to make sense. I might have to look into those the next time I take a trip.
I’ve even considered putting my non-existent kids on the wait list for St. Saviours (apparently there’s a 2 year wait list) these are kids I don’t even want. I’ve seen what pregnancy does to bodies, why would anyone voluntarily do that to them self?
I can no longer party all weekend and stay up all day at work. My body never used to shut down. Now I sleep for 5 hours and I feel like the living dead all day.

People, I am having a melt down!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

This piece is on freaking point! I was lamenting to my mom the other about how she loves my sister's kids more than me. This is me who used to used to be the baby of the house. She even used to call me baby! Now she calls me by my full name, and reminds me that i'm working now so i need to buy more stuff for the house.
Imagine! Growing old sucks!

Dimples said...

LOL!!!..this is so so hilarious..but seriously true...Tun Tun maybe all these are all clear signs from God...that the thought and sound of marriage is beckoning....Hmm!!!!

Remi Fagbohun said...

Awwww-
I have never been the baby of the family as I have always been the oldest...but that doesnt mean I cant relate... Pele!!

However, I also know that I can deifinitely help youin other ways...need I mention the word SHOES - LOL!!

Great Blog!

MOT said...

@ Bluntremi... yeah shoes always always help :-)
@ Dimples I wouldn't acknowledge Marriage even if it came down in form of a SHOE and lodged itself up my a$$ lol

Tutsy said...

Okay i'm sooooo officially addicted to your blog!!!! ROTFLMAO........nice write-up. You are one sick chick....lol. The nerve of those rugrats calling you "old"...lol....that was kinda hilarious though...lol... Trust me i feel your pain, growing old ain't easy, i am still trying to deal with the fact that i'm 25. It sucks big time, now i gotta act like a damn adult, only problem is; I HATE BEING A DAMN ADULT. Whatever happened to being 12 and foolish? i was content with that. Oh well, i guess one has got to roll with the punches. Don't let them get you down "babe"...lol...there is still a silver lining in the cloud. Hey, atleast you ain't 40 yet.

MOT said...

@ Tuts thanks. Glad u liked it. It's always been my dream for the convoluted details of my life to be a subject of laughter to the world HA! HA! not but really.. it's like jumping into a dark hole and not knowing where the bottom is.. only in this case, you were pushed.

TMinx said...

Yes oh, we are officially old lol. My age group is no more the 'cool' group in the family, theres a younger generation that has stolen the limelight...sooo annoying. I came out from dreamgirls the other day and saw my little cousin prancing out of the cinema asking 'Oh did you just see that, wasn't it awesome'. I wasn't even allowed to go to Ikoyi Club!

Bella Naija said...

LOL...lets not even start on this one.
My lil sisters constantly put me to shame.
Plus I just started using under eye cream after the spa woman was liek she could see some dark circles (I cant see that but its her job right?)
Anyway, MOT I feeeel u...chill on the botox talk tho...its not taht serious!

Onada - Fashion and Photography said...

i'm about to break down in tears! The other day i was scoping lancome anti aging products at the mall.........